the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
