fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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