I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
