she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
