I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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