I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
