plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
