My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize