She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
