apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
