She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
