i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
did i just pee glitter
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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