oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
