I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
