I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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