WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
