Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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