I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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