Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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