New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
