Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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