Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
