Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
