VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
