I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
