its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Found the puke drawer
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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