I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
