i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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