Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
