my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
