she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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