you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
