Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
