Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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