yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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