mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
