Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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