this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
