My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
