Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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