i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
