wakey wakey hands off snakey
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
