Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
