You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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