so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
