the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
