Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
