i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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