the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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