omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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