If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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