Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
