Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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