New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
