Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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