You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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