did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
