so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i dont even know how to be here
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
