By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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