also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
