As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
