My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
