fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
