It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Barsexuality is the new black.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
