Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
