she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
