and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
