I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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